Saturday, April 29, 2006

Playing in a Foreign Place

Last sunday was the 1st time I played a match for Monash University Soccer Club. Just before you say: Wah! So zai ah! can play for school! Hold your compliments. The soccer club actually has a number of teams, 5 to be exact. And they rank from the most zai to the most chapalang 1.
So i'm actually playing for the 4ths or the 5ths(depending on which team has a lack of players), which are the chapalang teams.

Anyway, the match was an away 1 so we had to travel to the other side of Melbounre. It took me a good 1hour plus before I reached the place. On my way to the pitch, I encountered something familiar. The Marist emblem. I was intrigued. In the end, it turned out to be a college founded by the same founder of Maris Stella back home, St Marcellin Champagnat. The college is named after him - Marcellin College. Took a stroll around the compound of the school and found it to be strikingly similar to MSHS. This sudden and unexpected discovery brought back a surge of nostalgia. How I miss playing with the Marist people in McLucky! We may be chapalang but we sure had fun!


Back to the match... I was allocated the position of centre-back by the coach, ironically a Singaporean who supports Liverpool. It has been a long time since I played that position and I took awhile to get back my defender's instinct. The match started with a welcome bang given to me by the opposing striker. I was chasing to clear a loose ball with the striker, a big fat-ass (bigger than Siu's!) bearing down on me. I got my foot to the ball and the next thing I knew I was flying through the air! What a welcome!

The 1 big difference with the game over here is that it is much more physical. So Kenny's wise old advice of 'use your body!' must always be taken seriously. As the game flowed on, with us having the upper hand most of the times, we took the lead through a deflected goal off a shot by 1 of the midfielders. Half-time ended as that - 1-nil to us.

In the second half, we started more brightly and scored a second. 2-nil and we looked to be cruising. Unfortunately, we conceded a goal with 20min to go with the defence failing to cut off a cross from the wing. This left us with a nervy ending but we managed to pull through and grab a precious victory.

I was satisfied by my own game but there is definitely much more room for improvement. My partner in defence seems to be a much more experienced lao jiao. Someone in the mould of Gareth Southgate. And there are many things to be learnt from him.

my foreign team mates in Monash Uni Soccer Club 4ths and 5ths

I am glad to be playing matches again... At least it reduces the itch in my feet. But somehow it is just not the same as playing with my Mc Lucky team mates. How I miss those weekends! Cannot wait to get back to the pitch with you all...

Choosing Our Leaders

Once again, the time has come to choose the people who will lead Singapore for the next five years.

As the whole world probably knows, there will not be any surprises in general, with the PAP surely forming the government at the end of the elections.

As groups of Singaporeans lament about the lack of excitability and variety evident in the local political scene, we must keep 1 eye cast around the world to realize that perhaps we may be taking things for granted in our homeland.

Right at our doorstep in Malaysia, the deputy prime minister at that time, Anwar Ibrahim was charged with sodomy crimes and thrown behind bars with a black eye to accompanying him.

In Indonesia, the last few years have seen a quick succession of presidents come and go. Each 1 brings with them their own agenda and action plans. But without sufficient time and support, even the best plans will not translate into any results.

Out of SE Asia, in the middle east, there is a lack of credible leaders to take over from the regime that Saddam Hussein perpetuated and lead the once great nation out of the crisis they now face.

Even in USA, scandals after scandals continue to emerge from politicians in charge of the only super power of the world now. Politics is a much more complicated game over there.

Sure, the political news from these countries make for excellent news headlines. But politicians are not movie stars. They are leaders who are expected to fight for the best for their people and to govern the country to give the people the best opportunity to live a better life.

I am glad that the political scene back home has not degraded into a sleazy world of scandals, name-callings and unscrulpulous sabotages. In contrast, the debates that emerged generally revolves around bread and butter issues as well as the ever-present calls for the government to be more democratic.

Bread and butter issues have always been emphasized by the ruling party PAP. Their track record (a pet phrase of the party) has been outstanding, giving them much credit to claim. Occasionally, the opposition parties will pick on a few downsides of the economy, the education and the healthcare system and pick the finger back at the PAP. They tell the people - See the PAP has let you down, and then stop at that. Hardly any alternatives or solutions are offered by them.

On calls for more democracy in Singapore, the opposition voices have been the loudest. From Dr Chee to JB Jeyaratnam to Low Thia Khiang to Chiam See Tong, issues of democracy have been vigorously campaigned and put across to the people. It is interesting to note the former 2 has been the louder of the lot on the topic of democracy. And look at what they have got themselves into. Both are bankrupts and on the brink of political extinction. Dr Chee had taken part in the last few elections and has lost all of them, suffering humiliating defeats in the process. In the 1996 election, he actually fainted after losing to a PAP candidate in the single-member constituency of MacPherson. Talk about showmanship. To make matters worse, Dr Chee yelled and hurled abuses at then PM Goh during a walkabout in the 2001 election, potraying himself, in the words of MM Lee, as a hooligan politician. Once again, Dr Chee's SDP team was soundly trounced in Jurong GRC.
In contrast, Low Thia Khaing and Chiam See Tong have maintained their focus on normal daily issues that concern the average Singaporeans. Both have kept their seats in parliament and the support of the voters.

1 wonders - Is Dr Chee and JB Jeyaratnam barking up the wrong tree? Are Singaporeans concerned or even care about the issues that these 2 bring up about democracy in Singapore?

Let me give my 1 cent worth... I think ideals of democracy appeal only to the younger generation of Singaporeans. And this appeal is only applicable to educated young Singaporeans who have been leading a rather comfortable life so far, ie in other words the more well-off strata of the society. As for our parents' genearations and their parents' generations, as well as the people in the lower classes of the society, I think this appeal is totally non-existent at all. Bread and butter issues are the main concerns of these group of people and their votes are won on the basis on this issue.

Before the PAP came into power, Singaporeans did not have any bread and butter to talk about. Under it's governance, Singapore developed rapidly and steadily and moved from 3rd world to 1st. The older generation of Singaporeans will never forget this and will remain staunch PAP supporters.

The younger generation ,on the other hand, has lived in economic prosperity for the whole of their lives and tend to take things for granted. Attractive ideals like democracy will appeal to these people.

Simply put, people with their stomachs empty and without a roof over their head will not be interested in democracy ideals while people with no worries about when their next meal will come and have a comfortable home to live in will be.

Anyway, why is there a debate about democracy in Singapore? I thought we are a democratic country? Isn't the virtue of democracy mentioned in the pledge we say every morning in school?

Well, it seems that the very notion of democracy is not very well defined. In fact, it's such a broad concept that different interpretions of it will lead to very different outcomes.

Just what is Dr Chee talking about when he argues for democracy? Freedom of speech? The ability to say anything you want without worrying about the consequences? The type of democracy in Taiwan maybe? There is much greaterl freedom of speech over there and look at the state of their political scene.

Freedom of choice? The choice of choosing another party to lead Singapore? Apart from the PAP, who else is there to turn to? SDP? SDA? Workers' Party? They don't even have enough candidates to challenge for all the seats in parliament. Thanks but no thanks.

I think democracy is very much alive in Singapore. We are a democratic society not only in name but in practice as well. A great extent of freedom is available to all Singaporeans as long as we stay in line with the laws set. Do what you want. Be who you want to be. Just stay on the right side of the law and no one will bother you. Say what you think. As long as it is not a pack of lies or wild and harmful accusations that are baseless, you will be fine. Not happy with the government? Express your views. Tell your side of the story. You will not get into trouble. Want to run for election? Just get a deposit of $13-14000 and a few supporters and you can do so as an independent. Now, fancy doing that in democratic America. You will need millions of dollars there. Not to mention overcoming numerous other barriers to entry into the political scene.

Freedom is present in Singapore. But not absolute, total, unconditional freedom. That would be anarchy. Freedom comes with responsibility. And as long as you exercise that responsibility, you get your freedom.

This principle has held the country in good stead ever since independence. And will continue to do so in years to come.

I am excited about the general election. Ever since I was a young boy, my father has brought me to numerous election rallies and I never fail to be entertained, amazed and impressed by the speeches of candidates contesting.

Wah! So interested in politics ah? Are you going to be a politician Chern? No, I am not.
I am just concerned about the issues that surround my country. I am just caring about the quality of the leaders that will carry our society forward. I am just eager to know what direction my country is heading towards in the future.

Every Singaporean should.

Let this be a good election.

Sunday, April 23, 2006

An Important Date - 23rd of April

Dear Little Princess,

23rd of April 2004- The day the 3 magical words were spoken by your highness...

How far we have come since then... It has been a journey full of ups and some downs; full of sweetness and bits of sour taste...

But ultimately, our love has withstood everything in its way... And will continue to do so....

I'm so glad that I have found you... Taught me how to love and the meaning of being loved...

Everything seems alright with the comforting thought of having our love to fall back on... Even the darkest days can be brightened up...

Long may our love be alive and in abundance...

With lots of love,
Your little Prince

Saturday, April 15, 2006

A Day of Mourning


That's it...

Hopes of a much elusive EPL title has all but vanished with the horrid display that the devils put up on Easter Friday. With only lowly Sunderland to beat, Man United made a mess of things with their complacency and half-heartedness.

This is the ultimate nightmare come true for all United fans. What's the use of beating Arsenal when you can't even win relegated Sunderland?!

Passes went astray; Opportunities squandered; Tackles lost; Freekicks wasted; Corners were ineffective... Everything did not go in United's favour. It was sheer frustration for United fans watching... Ronaldo was making a mockery out of himself with his party antics. Rooney left his scoring boots at home and Van Nistelrooy was blocking his team-mates' path to goal. The no. 10 cut a pathetic figure, losing headers; having a poor 1st touch and giving misplaced passes.

Even our dearest Ole Solskjaer couldn't save the day...

Damn it! This is a bloody disappointing way to surrender the title to Chelsea....
What a painful, heart-wrenching night of football... United fans have been brought back down to Earth with 1 big smack...

It's time to mourn, fellow devils....

Monday, April 10, 2006

MAN UTD GunneD DowN the GUNNERS!!


What a MATCH!!! 2 - Nil to the Devils!! Manchester United is finally back to it's very best!!

Solid Defence; Hardworking Midfield; And a Potent strikeforce...

What more can we ask for! This is the reason why people stay up late and sacrifice precious sleep. In hope of witnessing an edge-of-the-seat football battle that leaves you grasping for more...

What a performance!! What entertainment!! Full of desire, commitment, and PASSION! This is the way Football should be played. Let's hope more of such stuff will come in the last few matches of the season.

Watch your back Chelsea!!

Thursday, April 06, 2006

Ethics - What is Your Take on it?

Ethics... I am sure most of us know the meaning of the word ethical. But when you attempt to make judgements and decisions on what is considered ethical, more often than not you enter into a grey area. Well, at least that's my personal experience.

What the hell?! What is John going about here? Why the sudden interest in this debate of ethics?

Well, once again, you have to thank the MBBS programme in Monash. Yes, other than studying the mechanics of life and the anatomy of the body, we are grilled in the field of ethics as well. As part of the holistic approach of the course, Monash-trained doctors are supposed to be ethical doctors who make sound decisions that are in line with the ethical code of conduct.

Debates in ethics tutorial are often based on hypothetical scenarios. These scenarios are meant to frustrate the hell out of you as there are restrictions placed on what you can or cannot do. Either you do A or you do B. There is no C or any other options for that matter. So if you have a surplus of free time in your hands and really have nothing to occupy your mind with, you may be interested in thinking about these few scenarios that were discussed in my tutorials.

Scenario 1
- You are standing at a Y-junction in the railway track. A train is approaching you. Trapped at 1 junction of the track are 5 people. Trapped at the other junction of the track are 10 people. The train is headed for the junction that is trapped with 10 people. You have the ability to change the direction of the train so that it will travel to the other junction that is trapped with 5 people. You cannot stop the train from approaching. Do you A) switch the direction of travel of the train so that only 5 instead of 10 people will be run over by the train? or B) do nothing and let nature take it's course.

If you switch the train's direction, you may save 10 person's lives. But you have inadvertently participated in the killing of 5 person's lives. If you do nothing and let nature take it's course, you would not have been directly involved in any wrongdoing. Question: Is the act of omission (means no doing anything even if you have the power to do so) any less ethical than doing something that is wrong?

Scenario 2
- A person is in a critical condition with no cure in sight. He has 1 more month to live before doctors predict his ending. He is suffering in pain now and has requested you to take him off his life support system to end his sufferings. The essential fluids in his life support system needs replenishing every week. Without these fluids, the patient will die in a 2 days. Question: Will you A) stop replenishing the fluids or B) take the patient off the life support?
Which is the lesser of 2 evils? Or do you think that there is an ethical option among the 2? If you stop replenishing the fluid, you are not doing anything. An act of omission. If you shut down the life support system, you are killing the patient with your actions. Either way, the patient will eventually die.

Scenario 3
- This is about a pair of evil uncles who are twins. Imagine them in 2 screens side by side, with each screen playing out the same scene but with different proceedings. Evil Uncle A brings his nephew to take a shower in the bathtub. The bathtub is filled with water. The nephew accidentally slips and fall into the bathtub with his head submerged into the water. The nephew drowns. Evil Uncle A could have helped the nephew out but did not as he realised at the spur of the moment that he can inherit the boy's wealth if the boy dies. Now to Evil Uncle B. This time, Evil Uncle B has the intention to drown his nephew to get his wealth from the start. Likewise he brings the boy to take a shower in the bathtub. Evil Uncle B pushes his nephew's head underwater until he is breathless.
Question: Which Uncle is more evil or less ethical? The uncle who watched while his nephew drown right in front of him or the 1 who acted to keep the nephew's head submerged underwater.

What a load of crap! Did I hear you say? Well, I was tempted to think likewise too. Just switch off and wait for time to pass. I'm glad I changed my mind. Thinking about ethics make you question where you get your moral conscience from.

How often have you been stuck in a situation where you either have to face the devil or the deep blue sea? Have you been caught in a grey zone with no clearly better option to take? How do you decide then? Do you act in an imperfect way but 1 that you think is the lesser of 2 evils? Or do you act blur live longer (to borrow the phrase from my buddy) and do nothing at all?

What is evil? And what is not? What is the lesser of the evils? And what is the more evil of the evils? OR are all evils the same as long as they are evil? Are these thoughts worth a moment to ponder over?

I guess in these grey ethical situations, you are not able to sit down in a rational manner and list out all the pros and cons that each evil has and make a decision from there for the reason that the list will be never-ending. There will be an endless what-ifs and arguments and counter arguments. Scenes that are not uncommon in these tutorials.

Well, what do you do then? If you leave it up to me, I think I would do something that I would be able to live with. In other words, to let my moral conscience lead the way. If this conscience says that option A is the better road to take, then let's go down that way. As long as you are able to answer back to your conscience confidently, that's good enough. As long as you can sleep soundly at night without being pricked by this conscience, then that's good enough.

People say that we live in a materialistic world nowadays. In this world, does ethics have a major role to play? Do you let ethics play a major role in your life? Or do you separate the 2? Are you living in harmony with your moral conscience? Or do you even have a moral conscience? Where did you get your moral conscience from? Your religion? Your upbringing? God?

Ethics - What is your take on it?

A Lecture that touched the nerves of a few Singaporeans...

In the MBBS course that is conducted over here in Monash, you not only get to learn abouth the technical or biological aspects of being a doctor. You are expected to grasp the sociological issues that should concern a doctor as well. So, included as one of the main themes of our course is the Health, Knowledge and Society theme, where you get exposed to all the sociological issues in medicine and healthcare.

What is an equitable healthcare system?
What are the sociological issues that you have to juggle with when you are treating your patient?
How is medicine viewed by different cultures and societies?

Isn't that like GP in JC? You're deadright! In fact, I had a deja vu sense of feeling sitting through the tutorials of this theme. What the hell does sociology has to do with being a doctor?!

Well, that's a very good question. And I don't seem to have a good answer to it. I guess that the people in Australia expect their doctors to be all-rounders. To be competent doctors as well as doctors who are concerned and aware of the issues that are existent in the healthcare system.

Anyway, the lectures for this theme have been mudane, confusing and sleep-inducing. And that's in no small part caused by this well-endowed female lecturer who keeps exceeding her time. She's probably not 1 of the most popular person among the medical students here.

But there was a change of proceedings in the lecture yesterday afternoon. Apparently, a guest speaker was invited to lecture instead of the fat lady. And boy was he a breath of fresh air. For the 1st time, I was wide awake in a lecture. (I think the SAF experience makes you equate lectures with sleep.) This time, the topic in concern was access and the equity of a healthcare system.

The lecturer was interactive and threw up thought-provoking questions to the floor. Instead of going down the ineffective road of just throwing up a huge garbage of technical definitions and content and expect the students to gobble everything up, he gave relevant examples and spoke in simple, easy-to-understand layman terms. His loud booming voice was also a plus factor to throw you out of dreamland.

But what was the most unique point about this guest lecturer was his knowledge of the Malaysia's and Singapore's healthcare system. Apparently, he had studied in Malaysia in his younger days and took a keen interest in the social developments in that part of the world. The lecturer made full use of this experience of his to strike a chord with the large number of Malaysian students in the cohort. Chanting 'Malaysia boleh!' and adding in other sentences of Bahasa Melayu threw the Malaysians into ecstasy.

After charming the Malaysians, the lecturer focused on the Singaporeans. Touching on the topic of equity, the lecturer threw up the example of The Affordable Health Care White Paper that was drawn up by the government in 1993.

He quoted a few sections of the Paper:
' ... even destitute persons who cannot afford to pay should not be deprived of basic health care'
'... but it will not provide the latest and best of everything'
'... the treatment will be delivered without frills.'

The few statements above looks innocuous enough. However, the lecturer chose to highlight certain phrases with a tone of sarcasm, giving a impression filled with cynism.

I could sense a few nerves of my fellow Singaporeans schoolmates being touched.
'What? Are you implying that the system in Singapore is flawed or inferior?'

Next, he went on to question the meaning of no-frills treatment as well as the poor not being able to have the best of everything.

'Is it fair to the poor? Is this an equitable system?'

'And do the Singaporeans have anything to say about this?'

For a second, there was silence.

then...

'Of course it's a fair system. The poor who are ill will still be able to receive decent healthcare services and be cured of their illness. Just that they will not be able to enjoy the cosmetic aspects of these services like air-conditioning and etc.'

A few rings of applause followed.

I was glad and proud that my friend stood up to speak for our country. Even though it may seem a small issue and it was obvious the lecturer was attempting to spur us to put our thinking caps on, it was still immensely satisfying to see a show of patriotism by my friend.

It is when you are away in a foreign land that feelings of patriotism and a sense of belonging to your country emerges. At least for me. Anything to do with the tiny island country that I call home, I will take immense interest in.

Especially after fulfilling 2 years of national service, you sort of think that you have earned the right to proclaim that you are a Singaporean. This feeling is especially strong when you meet young men who have migrated over here from Singapore to avoid having to serve NS and have switched their citizenship. What would life be if I had done the same thing?

Would I be a happier man? I might be in the 3rd year of my degree now instead of wasting 2 bloody years in the army. Would I?



Of course not. I am proud to be a Singaporean. I cherish my right to being a Singaporean. I am proud to have done my part for the country. I am glad that there will always be a place for me to return to.

A place where my friends and family members will be awaiting my arrival when I return. A place where all my childhood memories reside. A place where I spent all my highs and lows in my short span on Earth. A place where I got my education. A place that my roots grew from.

A place that I call home.

Sunday, April 02, 2006

What makes you HAPPY?

What makes you happy? Have you ever wondered? Have you asked yourself this question before? Or does happiness come to you in unexpected bouts of spontaneity? Falling from the sky like raindrops when you least expect it. Or appearing overhead like a rainbow to take your sorrows away.

Is it possible to discover what creates this rainbow? Is it possible to manufacture or create happiness? Would going all out to pursue happiness make me a hippie? Do we live to be happy? Or is happiness just a part of life, like all other emotions?

Are these the things that make you happy? (Not in order of preference or importance)

Love - The ONE thing most of us strive for but only a few lucky ones are able to find success in. The feeling you get when you have someone who loves you and whom you love is certainly a happy one.

Friendship - Nothing beats having a close group of friends that you can confide in and share your dreams, fantasies, failings, joys and passions with. Friends are the soulmates that make the journey of life a much happier one.

Success - This is much more difficult to define. The notion of success is subjective. But each of us would certainly have a concept of what success means to us. Be it in our work, our social life and other personal pursuits. Does being successful means that you have to be really good at something? Does being successful means that you have to be on top of everything? Questions, questions, and more questions... Does success brings happiness?

Family - Something that most of us take for granted. Especially in this era where family ties are increasingly being diluted by other modern-day distractions. Blood runs thicker than water. No matter what happens, you know your family will be there for you. Now, isn't that a happy thought?

Humour - Do we laugh because we are happy? Or do we become happy because we start to laugh? Do we laugh because it is funny? Who defines what is funny and what is not? Is there a funny side to everything? Do we have to laugh at what society allows us to or can we laugh at anything we find funny? Must we let the people around us know what we are laughing at? Or can we laugh to our hearts' content without a care in the world. Whatever it is, having a good laugh would definitely bring in more happiness.

Good Food - Yummy! A good path to happiness is the way through our stomachs. Have you felt happy after having a sumptuous meal? Did you find happiness after tasting some food that you have been craving for a long long time? Somehow, eating brings about happiness in more ways than 1. Are you like me? Do you live to eat as well? Or do you eat your way to happiness?

Money - Does being rich brings you happiness? Does money=happiness? This should be a no-brainer. Much has been debated over this. The correct answer would be: Money does not make the world go round. But it certainly makes people more fond of you. And for everything else, there's always visa.

Music - Do you enjoy listening to songs? Do you feel happy after hearing a really really good piece of music that you can identify with? Or is it the other way round? Do you listen to a happy song just because you feel happy? Or can you feel happy even if you listen to a sad, sentimental song?

Helping Others - Does being altruistic bring about happiness? Does giving others a helping hand and seeing the impact you have on them bring a smile to you? Or is it only about yourself? Me, Myself and I. If you cannot even help yourself, would you be happy helping others?

Thinking about Happiness - Does thinking about what makes you happy make you happy? Are you happier after reading this post? No? I thought so too... My happiness certainly did not increase after writing this. Or maybe you've a different experience?

hmmmm.... Much to ponder about.

Is happiness a big part of your life? If not, do you want it to play a bigger part in your life?

Happiness comes in many forms... There are different types of happiness associated with different situations. There is the adrenalin-pumping happiness when you score a goal and when you're making love. There is the soothing happiness when you're having a nice meal with your loved ones and when you know that there's always your family to turn to inspite of anything. There is the brotherly happiness that you have when you are in the midst of a talk-cock session with your close friends. There is the sense of relief type of happiness when you release your waste into the toilet bowl after keeping it at the edge for an hour. There is that ego-inducing happiness when you emerge top in a competition. There is that satisfaction type of happiness that you get when you achieved something that you have trained very hard for. There is that eureka happiness when you finally find a solution to a problem or when you finally get what you have been studying for the past few hours.

Which type of happiness do you subscribe to? Should we go all out to fight for our happiness, disregarding everything else? Or should we just go about our daily lives, confidently knowing that happiness will befall us anyhow. Or do you desire happiness at all? A sadist perhaps? Wouldn't it be ideal if we were happy all our lives? Happy all our lives?! Would we know what is happiness then? Or do we need some sorrows to help us define and appreciate what happiness is?

Happiness - Are you in need of it?

' Whistle, Whistle, Whistle'

'Don't worry be happy...'


A Year After....



And so 1 year has passed...



Time always seem so short when you have the benefit of looking back in hindsight. What a huge contrast 1 year makes...

Now: A university student who has no one else except himself and his little princess to worry about.
Then: A fresh YSL who was due to take on the enormous duties his rank delivered upon his shoulders.

I feel much at ease now compared to 1 year ago. Much at ease as I am doing something of my own will. My destiny lies in my hands. Not of some higher-ranking fella who treats me as a mere figure in a sea of data.

But you've to admit that those were exciting times. What people call the times of their lives. As cliched as it sounds, this phrase, I think is exceptionally true - It is not how many breaths we take but the number of breath-taking moments that we have in our lives that matters. Commissioning day was 1 such moment. It was the Grand Finale to 10 months of sweat, blood, tears, frustrations, and endless sacrifices... This was the moment to savour.

Beyond that, it was also a moment to mourn. No longer can Bravo Platoon 3 spend the night together... Talking cock; Conducting 'Exercises'; Preparing OPS order for a mission; Doing area cleaning; Booking out... The joys of living with your buddies were taken away when we passed out.

A new life beckoned for us after so many months of vigorous training. A new life that I was not very keen on.

WingComd: Oct John Lee, 2 SIR, Platoon Commander/ 2IC.
Me: (in my heart) What the F...!

This was the scene on the day when our Wing Comd announced our posting. I was crushed. My worst nightmares came back to haunt me. I was not a big fan of chiong suaing. So giving me a posting that required me to lead people to chiong for another year was like a death sentence.
I kept hoping, against hope, that somewhere, there would be a cock-up and my posting was wrong.

No such miracles materialised and I begrudgingly carried my duffel bag into Amoy Quee Camp a few days after the highs of commissioning. If getting my bars on the parade square was a new high, walking into the old and run-down confines of my new home was definitely a new low. It brought me back to the shit hole with one mega thud.

Now this was the real thing. This is what you have been training for. To lead men out there. To be a platoon commander. Or was it?

I thought I was going to be a Admin Officer? Where is my number 3 uniform? What would happen to the plans I had of doing what I wanted to do after knocking off at 5? What? Somemore outfield? Shit. Reality bites.

I tried to psyche myself up. Watched Band of Brothers and other War Movies. A surge of inspiration would come after each episode but somehow that surge would be over-ride by another surge of depression as you begin to prepare for a 3days2nights mission.

I was thrown into the deep end of the shit hole earlier than my fellow officers from the same BEG cohort. A Platoon Commander from 1 of the rifle companies got himself injured and had to step now. I (for reasons only GOD knows) was chosen to take over his position. At the same time, I got chosen to be the flag bearer for my unit for National Day Parade (Again for reasons only GOD knows). This meant that all my saturdays were burnt. (Less time with my little princess again) And that I couldn't focus on assuming command of my men.

It was a struggle at the start. I felt lost. Really lost. When in the past, I had my platoon mates in Bravo3 to turn to, now I had no-one. There were many balls that I had to juggle. Learning the ropes of how to be a platoon commander (OCS didn't teach us everything unfortunately); Taking over the problems inherent in my platoon from my upper study; Trying to win over the respect and trust of my men and section commanders; Remembering the drills to execute on the Padang; Figure out how to conduct a simple SOC training; Find out what are the dos and don'ts in a rifle company; Sort out what the hell my OC wants from me; How to tread along the lines so as not to end up on the wrong end of politics in the company; And be a good boyfriend to my little princess...

It was not an ideal situation. It seldom is in life, if you think about it. Though there was the urge to complain and moan about stuff, I managed to keep it to myself most of the times. I have the mentality that everybody has their own problems and worries to occupy themselves so what makes you so special that people want to listen to you? Just grind your teeth, roll up your sleeves and get your hands dirty. And get the job done. No hussle. No bustle. No hullabaloo. And life goes on...

And so it was... It was not a pretty sight though. Ups and downs there were. As Ronald Keating sings: Life is a rollercoaster and you've got to ride it... Making wrong decisions as a PC; Getting shouted at by OC; Signing extras for mistakes made as a conducting officer; Being let down by some of my men; Worrying about the problems my sect comds had; Struggling through the outfield exercises; And trying to be there when my little princess needed me...

Well, tough as it was, I'm sure some other poor fella would be in a more dire situation than me. So what is there to complain about? If only the brain was that naive.

I was mostly in constant agony. Agonising over having to burn my weekends to conduct live firing; Agonising over waking up in the wee hours in the morning to set off for an exercise; Agonising through the overnight treak before the commence of an assault; Agonising over what actions to take over a man who stepped out of line; Agonising over having to make a decision that I have to, not that I want to; Agonising over disappointing my little princess once again; Agonising over what I have not done and what I should not do as a PC; Agonising over why I chose to go to OCS and be an officer rather than stay as a medic and enjoy a slack life; Agonising over having to miss out on the outings that Bravo3 organised or the football matches that I had to miss...

As week after week of struggling passed, I began to find my footing. Things started to get into a routine. And I got more and more used to my new life. I began to enjoy the company of the people in my unit. Life began to improve. Slowly, my men started to put their trust in me. My little princess still loves me. And things did not seem that bad afterall.

But I still had to book in; Still had to do DO duties; Still had to put on camo; Still had to walk through the night in flies-infested areas... Well, what-to-do? Life is not perfect.

Anyhow, as more weeks passed, I realised that I only had a few more weeks to go before I had to leave for my studies. This fact was made obvious to me with the arrival of my (drumrolls please) much-anticipated understudy! It is during the last few moments that you begin to cherish and appreciate your surroundings more. When you know that you are going to leave the people you have been around with for some time, you begin to look at their positive side more and enjoy their company more. This is the part where you are supposed to get sentimental. It certainly was for me.

So with a strange mixture of sentiments, I set off for my last major exercise with my men. It was going to be a combo of 3 back-to-back missions. Certainly not a walk in the park. I made a few mistakes here and there. And was fucked by my OC and the 3rd Brigade Commander who had the best of luck to be present when my platoon was carrying out the assault for the company in the 1st mission. Cursing my luck, I consoled myself that this was going to be it. The last time. The subsequent missions were much better and our morale improved. As 'EXERCISE CUT' was roared out by my OC, my heart rose in jubilance. No, that would be an understatement. No words can sufficiently relay the joy I felt.

More was to come. There was to be a handing over parade where all the outgoing commanders would hand over to the new commanders. At the end of the parade, the outgoing commanders, including me, stood in front of the whole battalion and received a salute as a tribute to our services. That feeling you get from seeing your men salute you with all their sincerity and respect is the 1 of the most fulfilling. At that point, you think that all the sacrifices you had made was worth the effort. As I went around shaking my men's and sect comdrs' hands, emotions were threatening to get the better of me. These people have been my life for the past 7-8 months. Everything I did had something to do with them; I even had them in my dreams... (no joke!)

And when you see that these people recognise your efforts and respect you for it, the satisfaction and fulfillment you get more than erase all the negative thoughts you once had. Keep in mind that these people were from some of the roughest parts of our society. To be able to get them to listen to you and respect you is not a mean feat. This is what pushed me to become an officer. To be able to be a good leader and make a positive impact on the men under you.

I really hoped that I had made a positive impact on the lives of my men. As much as possible, I hope that their lives will improve after they leave the army and that they will have a better future ahead.

And remember that they once had a platoon commander they called sir john. I know I will always remember their faces. Each and everyone of them.


Happy 1st anniversary to all from BRAVO 3 56/04 OCC!

To lead , To excel, To overcome.